Hulleye Comes By!

Loud rock concert causes teen’s head to explode.

“It was completely gross,” said Tiffany Bonner, 16, Gerry’s girlfriend. “The music was really loud during ‘In the Dark Hole’ and Gerry looked a little scary. Then during the next song his head suddenly exploded.” She added, “And don’t say I’m, like, his ‘former’ girlfriend because even though Jerry’s skull fell all apart and he’s dead, I’ll love him forever. I saved a piece of his — what did they call it? cranieminem? Something?”

Dirt Weasel is a five-man combo known for its towers of amplifiers — called “Marshall stacks” in the trade — and ultra-loud delivery. Band frontman and lead guitarist Jake “Snake Eyes” Ballard said nothing like this had ever happened before at a Dirt Weasel show.

“It was in the middle of the solo to ‘Sit & Spin,’ said Ballard, referring to one of the band’s songs. “I went out into center stage like I usually do, to just, you know, blaze away. And this kid in a Goth T-shirt starting having like some sort of seizure. I thought he was just trying to start a mosh pit, right? But that’s so retro and our auds are cooler than that.”

“He was holding Tiffany’s waist,” said Gerry’s friend Esteban. “We both were ’cause we, like, share her. And I thought he was having like this totally rad time when he blew up real good. The thing is, he wasn’t the only one. I heard two other melons pop somewhere in the crowd.”

In fact, five young heads ceased to exist that night according to the Winthrop Sheriff ’s Department. The local D.A. is considering manslaughter charges against the band.

Prof. Calvin Mittridge from Indiana Polytechnic Junior College theorizes that the explosions had something to do with loud noise interacting with a specific electrical frequency in Gerry Tillis’ brain.

“The five victims were ‘heavily into’ a certain wavelength, to use the vernacular,” said Prof. Mittridge. “The music was on the same wavelength and amped the teens up. The result was like having your head in a microwave oven.”

Read on about the christian church groups picketing outside. They’re even funnier.

So today I do my daily run of Timmy’s and end up with my usual morning large steeped tea with a plain toasted and buttered bagel. Nothing unusual for any regular 9-to-5er.

And just as ordinarily enough, my order came to $2.29 and just as ordinarily I handed the lady in the drive thru window my $2.30 expecting a penny in return.

Instead, I get this.

Looks pretty similar to a Canadian penny, but it really isn’t. This is what I should have recieved.

The difference between the two is that one is a Canadian 1 cent coin, and the other a Pakistan 1 rupee coin.

I understand this is a multicultural society, but shortchanging a company by giving them wrong currency really doesn’t help our community in any way whatsoever. I myself am of Pakistani origin and us Pakistani’s have a pretty stained name within the international community to begin with. Saving yourself a penny when that rupee is useless to you in this country is pretty low.

Technically I ended up winning this round because as Google informs me, One Pak Rupee is worth close to just over two cents and whenever I travel back to Karachi, I can end up using that rupee, but not everyone would benefit from this.

The point of this whole ramble is that if you wish to enjoy the benefits of a multicultural society that accepts you for who you are, you should accept them for who they are as well and accept their ways of being and not try to shortchange them every place you get.

It really isn’t appropriate to try and scam the people who have given you a second home.