Hulleye Comes By!

so a bunch of maasai are gonna be running the london marathon this year. but the stuck up brits think that they’re uncouth and ill-mannered so they’ve prepared a guide for them on how to behave. since this isn’t crocodile dundee, they think people won’t find it funny if they stick their spears into goats and cows. i guess they still haven’t learnt anything from embarassing themselves after colonizing the entire world.

• “Even though some [Brits] may look like they have a frown on their face, they are very friendly people - many of them just work in offices, jobs they don’t enjoy, and so they do not smile as much as they should.“
• “You cannot rely on the sun to tell the time accurately and will have to rely on clocks and watches. The sun will rise and set at different times.“
• “Whereas at home for you it is acceptable to spit, in England it is not but, if you have to, you must do so in a sink or in some trees when no one is looking.“
• “If you see something that someone else has, like a bracelet, and you like it, then the person will find it very unusual if you were to take it and wear it.”
• “if someone was to see a thief and chase after him and, when they catch him they hurt him, then the person who hurt the thief would go to prison as well as the thief.“
• “You may see these animals in a field, seemingly left alone. It is important to remember that these animals are owned by someone and are being looked after.”
• “You will see many people who are wearing only small clothes and you will wonder why they are cold and may think they are being disrespectful. This is normal for England, especially when it is sunny or in the evening. However, it is illegal to show certain parts of the body and for this reason it is important that you wear underpants if you are wearing your blankets.”
• “When people drink they [seem] sillier or different.”

so, if you only spit in trees and remember to wear your underpants when out and about, everything should be tickety-boo. the rest of the bullshit article can be read at the telegraph here.

i’m assuming everyone has heard about the ban the pcb has placed on shoaib akhtar for five years. he is at the moment appealing in court, but in likelihood, his career with pakistan is pretty much done and over with and i say hi deserves it. but was he ever any value to pakistan is the question.

this cricinfo articles breaks down the numbers of shoaibs history with pakistan and compares them to wasim and waqar. brilliant stuff. be your own judge. what is the opportunity cost of having shoaib akhtar on the team? s. rajesh from cricinfo breaks it down.

via adnan

a little geek humour here. hap tip to hugh. click to biggie.

“Nothing of value is free. It is very easy, Mr. Chairman, to convince people that it is in their best interest to give away somebody else’s property for nothing, but even the most guileless among us know that this is a cave of illusion where commonsense is lured and then quietly strangled.”

- Jack Valenti, MPAA

“If you design your own machine, you can’t fuss at people, because you’re one of just a few. How many Linux users are there?”

- Jack Valenti, MPAA

CERN to morons, the LHC will not destroy the Earth. This is alluding to the previous story on how it could.

Contrary to the somewhat feverish claims laid out in an recent lawsuit, when our favorite particle-smashing, Force-finding Large Hadron Collider is switched on soon it will not result in the destruction of life as we know it. Such claims are “complete nonsense” say the scientists at CERN (and everywhere else,) in response to the suit. They should know: it’s their machine, they designed it and they’ve been telling everyone for a while that their research shows it’s safe.